Life can be simple for heads of families with children and possibly grandchildren. With few generations to contend with, decision making from investments and philanthropic support, to bequeaths for the next generation, can be neat and tidy.

However, when we start to add aunts, uncles, cousins and their extended families, the neat and tidy can quickly become cluttered and complex.

When I talk about generational planning with small families, there’s often a sense of ease. Yet each successive branch to the family tree brings additional angst.

It is said that the first generation creates, the second generation builds, and the third generation destroys. Does adding more people to the equation create more complications? Individuals bring their own visions and values, demands for recognition or compensation, in the form of living allowances or eventually inheritance payable in advance.

Even more challenging is the age differences that span the generations. From Baby Boomers to Generation X to Millennials and younger, those visions and values can get lost. The 50-something Gen X child might scoff if a much younger cousin, or a blended family half-sibling – gets an equal share of any inheritance or disbursement.

We’ve explored the solutions before. At its core, it’s called governance. As we’ve written, governance is the rules the family lays out in frequent and recurring family meetings, and which all agree to. This ideally should include what future generations can expect and the rules around it.

How families deal with these challenges often varies by the strength of the first generation or the geography they hail from. Strong-willed patriarchs and matriarchs – think Logan Roy in Succession – are clearly in charge. I’ve worked with families from South America who gave their children seed money to start a business in lieu of any inheritance. Several families whose kids were successful on their own avoided the conversation altogether by leaving all their wealth to charity.

The best examples I’ve witnessed are those situations where families start the conversations with their children at a young age. Values are defined and discussed, plans are shared, expectations are set – or curtailed. They nip in the bud any unreasonable assumptions – greed – at the expense of other benefits.

I come from a big family with several generations. In the third generation it is fairly simple math at work; 12 cousins could potentially lay claims to or plunge their talons into some expected inheritance. In the fourth generation, we have more than 30 family members, which would further complicate discussions. Fortunately, we exited our family business long ago, so any inheritance claims have been stymied.

The senior members laid out early on their plans as benefactors. What’s more, the three sons were raised to be independent in thought and deed. Their own station in life helped reduce their demands – and that of their own children.

Of course, no family is immune to its challenges. We’ve had to navigate our own, just as I’ve helped other families navigate theirs. If your family is or might find itself facing a generational chasm, let’s talk. Just as no one solution is right for every family, your right solution may be just a conversation away.