Have you ever heard the saying, “Their perception is their reality”? How often have you said something to someone and later felt that “what they understood is not what I meant to say”? Have you ever read something someone wrote – possibly on social media – or saw something they did, but that later it became a source of misunderstanding, or worse, conflict?

Whether with friends, family or coworkers, what one implies or means versus what one interprets it to mean can leave a huge chasm. Into that void can creep both good and bad conjecture. After all, nature abhors a vacuum – and that gap doesn’t really care what fills the space.

The divide between perception and reality, intent and outcome, expectation and reality, may lead to misalignment and unintended conflicts.

Nowhere is the gap between what one says versus what one means more common than between parents and children. We as parents have certain expectations. Our children, especially adolescents and young adults who are exploring their own lives, their boundaries and who are trying to plan their futures, are ripe for mistaken messages.

Sometimes kids use language that is deliberately fuzzy to shroud or cloud their message. For example, when they say, “Don’t wait up,” do they really mean “I might be out ‘til dawn”? Does “My grades fell this term” mean, “You might get a call from the principal’s office”?

More seriously, the child may imply they don’t want to go to business school or take up a role in the family business, as their parents may have hoped for. As the parent, those hopes, as reasonable or unreasonable as they might have seemed, may be dashed. But were your children telegraphing the message all along, and you just weren’t listening?

Truth is, few know the reality others are experiencing. When we listen to what others say we impose our bias to interpret what they say, rather than listen to what they are telling us.

The answer is simple: Actively listen to what others are saying or writing. It’s been said that we wait for a pause, so that we can jump in and speak about what was on our mind, regardless of what the other was saying.

Instead, listen. Deliberately. Put aside your smartphone or other distraction and lean in. Then repeat what they said to show you were listening. If someone writes an email, text or instant message that seems important, re-read the message. If necessary, call them. Don’t leave to chance your interpretation – which could miss their intended message.

One solution to help build your message connection and avoid misalignment is the family, team or client meeting. We frequently write about these gatherings. Not only are they ideal settings to explore important or timely topics, they can help align ongoing communications. Simply put, people who communicate frequently, often have a better between-the-lines interpretation of what others are saying.

Such connections don’t happen by accident. But they can be built or nurtured at any age or stage of a relationship. If you believe you and your family, friends or team are missing the point a bit too often and perception isn’t jibing with reality, let’s talk. We’ll get what was said aligned with the listener’s takeaway and help ensure the message gets through.